Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
