RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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