Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My liver just broke up with me...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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