The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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