Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just gift wrapped bread.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So squirting runs in the family.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Randomize
