Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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