Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
