mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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