He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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