Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
