I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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