Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just forgot I was standing up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
