there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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