I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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