I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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