So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
