I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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