I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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