This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
