Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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