dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
