I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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