I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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