Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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