when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
