Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
