so explain again why im purple
no
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
