i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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