Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
