Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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