Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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