Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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