I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
