try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
