You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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