I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
