My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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