I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize