I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
