a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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