I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
