and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
