I think my vagina is haunted
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
