perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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