it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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