I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
