Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
