my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
