a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
do nipples grow back?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
