Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
