You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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