Pants 0. Shit 1.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
