i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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