4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
