so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize