I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
