I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize