think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
