just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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