My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
