im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
