I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
