I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
